Red Hands
by elisclare
Summary: Every light brush of her fingertips burned my skin, every pant and moan that came from her lips sent me further and further over the edge as we sank to the floor, clutching desperately at each other./ONESHOT.


**Hi guys! So I wrote...whatever this is...at about four 'o clock in the morning. I actually don't remember a lot of what's in the middle, I was half asleep, but decided to post it anyway because I did stay up all night writing it...god I'm insane. Alright well enjoy. It's defintely OOC, so you don't need to tell me. It's also a one-shot, so don't ask for an update. **

**I do not own Degrassi, nor do I own the song "Red Hands" by The Dear Hunter.**

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_Even if you'd never strayed from me_

_I'd question your fidelity_

_There'd always be a shroud of suspicion_

_And my heart's a liability_

_With your hands maroon so freshly red_

_You'd wrap your lips around my neck_

_Try and force to love the thought of me_

_Simple motions make me ill_

Before she even knocked, I opened the door. I knew it was her, before she even walked up the steps of my house. And I knew what was coming as soon as I looked into her eyes.

"Eli, you know I want you," Clare said to me, her azure eyes wide and almost child-like. "You know I want you more than anyone."

"That's a lie, Clare," I answered her, my guard built up as she stood in my doorway, shaking from what I assumed to be the cold. "You're a liar, and we both know it. If that were true, you wouldn't—"

"I love him," she said quickly, and I only shook my head. "I do. But I love you too, so much more. I want to be with you." I only continued to glare at her. "But I have to be with him, Eli, I have to be. You don't understand!"

"What could I _possibly_ not understand, Clare?" I shouted back at her, growing angry as those words fell from her lips for the thousandth time. "Tell me what I don't get about you being with _him_, about you kissing _him,_ while I'm forced to sit back and take it, only even talking to you in private! Do you know what it fucking feels like, Clare?" She flinched as my voice rose. "I don't think you do! Do you know what it feels like to have someone be _ashamed_ of you?"

"I'm not ashamed of you!" She yelled back at me, tears starting to run down her face. Her chest heaved as she breathed heavily, looking at me sadly. When she finally spoke again, it came out a whisper. "I may have been at first, alright? And you have every right to hate me for it. I left you because I couldn't handle you, I couldn't take the whispers in the hallways, I couldn't take my mother barely speaking to me, after she saw my purity ring was gone, and I couldn't take feeling suffocated. I left you when you needed me most Eli, and I'm sorry. I fell in love with Fitz. And I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I thought it would make my life so much easier! Fitz may have done some bad things, but he's changed. My mother approves, my whole family does. I can breathe, I can live freely. I should be so happy."

I continued to listen to her, to hear the pain in her voice. I hated myself, for being the way I was. For feeling sorry for her, as if she were the one that was in the most pain at the moment. For wanting to kiss her, for wanting to hold her, as if nothing had never happened and Fitz had never come back.

She took a deep breath, looking down at her feet but continuing. "But I'm not. I'm…miserable. I love him, but I'm not…in love with him."

"There's a fucking difference?" I spat, and she flinched again.

"Yes. Eli, he has my heart, okay? He does."

"Then why the fuck are you here?" I said, frustration boiling over the edge. She looked up at me helplessly, and I could see tiredness in her eyes as the year before came crashing down around me, memories sweeping like a tidal wave over my mind. From our first meet, to the first time we made love, to the night when I snapped. The night my life "almost ended". Except, it did. My life was Clare, and I hated myself for allowing my world to revolve around her. I hated myself now, more than ever, as I grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her inside, shutting the door before slamming her against it.

"Why?" I asked her again, and although my voice was angry, it was full of pain.

"Because you have my everything, Eli. My body, my soul, my mind. It's all yours. I'm yours." Her hand went to my face, thumb stroking my cheek softly. "And I only feel complete when I'm with you. I wish I could have you back. I wish I could have _us_ back."

_But we will never go back to how we used to be._

The sentence hung silently in the air.

I looked her helplessly, my voice breaking as I looked over her flawless face. "I _want_ you," I said in disbelief. "After everything, I want you, so bad."

"I _need_ you." She answered me, pressing her body tighter to me. "I know this is all so fucked up, Eli, but I need you. Right now."

And then my lips were on hers.

_Was it bitter when you tossed and turned_

_On this under-cover mattress?_

_Did it feel so good?_

_Hope it felt to good_

_Don't know what I'd do if you lost sleep over little 'ol me_

_He's so much better_

_They're all much better_

_Take off your sweater, your shoes, and your shirt, and get to work_

"Your parents aren't home?" Clare asked breathlessly as I kissed her neck, almost hungrily, tasting her skin and inhaling her scent.

"Goneforthenight," I muttered, before silencing her with my lips, to which she responded with a small moan. I almost let out one myself, at the feeling of it, at the relief of finally having her in my arms again, her lips crushed against mine in such a desperate way. Our tongues wasted no time in meeting, battling for dominance, as they traced the familiar caverns of the other's mouth.

All I could think, see, and feel was _Clare. _As we kissed, I was no longer Eli Goldsworthy, lonely, depressed, and shunned by the world. I was a part of a force, a part of an entity that required two lovers, creating a fire that burned brightly and grew as hot as the sun. I was no longer someone that Clare was ashamed of, I was someone that she needed.

Every light brush of her fingertips burned my skin, every pant and moan that came from her lips sent me further and further over the edge as we sank to the floor, clutching desperately at each other. Need consumed us, button-up shirts were ripped at the seams, belts were fumbled with, shaking hands left hot, fiery trails down our bodies.

We lie naked on the wooden floor, swept away in passion, oblivious to the world just outside the door. I kissed every single inch of Clare's pale, soft, body, as her quiet moans filled my ears. Whispers fell from our lips, barely audible.

"_God, I love you."_

"_You're so beautiful."_

"_Never leave me."_

"_Never."_

_Maybe this is just a work of art_

_Scripted players in a play of lust_

_Hope the end is well worth waiting for_

_Everything you wished it'd be_

_Was it bitter when you tossed and turned_

_On this under-cover mattress? _

_Did it feel so good?_

_Hope it felt so good_

"I want you, I need you, now." Clare said breathlessly, and I kissed her lips once in agreement, before positioning myself, and entering her in one slow thrust, for the first time in five months, feeling complete.

_Cause you can't be caught red-handed_

_If you're not red-handed_

_But darling_

_I would never say those words to you_

_I was pulling out my heart so I could pin it on my sleeve_

_On display for you_

_Now see, I'm on display_

The only sound in the room were our moans, and breathless pants. Sweat coated our bodies in a thin, sticky sheen as heat radiated off of us. With every thrust, more and more pain slipped away, and became numb as mind-blowing pleasure took over. I couldn't think, I couldn't see. I could only feel Clare. She was mine, and I was hers.

"Eli…God, Eli. Harder."

I complied, and thrust into her more harshly, earning a pleased moan. "Ah! Yes…oh…"

It was like music to my ears, hearing her say my name. A shiver cascaded down my body and I felt that I was close to the edge, as my thrusts increased in pace, our moans increasing in volume.

"Clare!" I shouted as I finally reached release, as everything seemed to explode in a brilliant, blinding white light, and for a moment I questioned my beliefs in a higher power as I seemed to float above the earth.

"Oh, Eli!" Clare's scream brought me back down to earth as she reached her end as well, and I stilled slowly to a stop, my body hovering closely over hers for several seconds before I pulled out of her, pulling her to me as I rolled to my side, not wanting to let go. Our breathing was harsh and frantic, and yet, in spite of everything, there was laughter.

We were both laughing, not because anything was particularly funny, but because we were in such _bliss._

"Eli," Clare said, laughing once more. "I love you."

"I love you too," I responded. "So much."

I don't know how much time passed before we finally quieted, it may have been mere seconds, or minutes. It could have been hours. Even then, neither of us moved. I kept Clare pulled tightly to my body, afraid to let go, and she stayed there, nuzzled into my chest, arms wrapped around me.

But as we came down from our highs, and more time passed in the dark house, reality had to hit us at some time or another.

"Does this change anything?" I asked indifferently, already knowing the answer.

"I don't think so." She said, voice quiet.

I clenched my jaw. "You should get dressed now."

"Why?"

"Isn't your mom freaking about right about now?"

Clare looked up and smiled slightly. "I told her I was spending the night with Alli. It's fine."

"Except it's not," I responded. Her eyebrows furrowed at my words, and I stared back at her coolly. She didn't get it.

"Eli…I thought that you got that…"

"I did," I said, cutting her off. "I know. But that doesn't change the fact that whatever you obviously came here for is done. It's time for you to leave."

She looked hurt. "But, Eli…"

"I finally felt it, Clare. I felt…free. Isn't it ironic?" I smiled. " You feel free when your away from me, and I feel free when I'm with you."

She continued to look at me.

"I felt happy, for once in my life. I know what it's like. I got to feel it one more time."

"What do you…Eli, we can—"

"No," I snapped. "I'm not going to…no. I won't be the downfall of your relationship." I sat up. "You need someone stable, someone that can be there for you in every aspect. Not just some crazy side-line lover. I don't want to be just him. I won't be." Clare's eyes widened in horror as she realized that I was serious.

"But you're not." She told me, sounding broken.

I scoffed, and looked away, not wanting to see the hurt in her eyes. So many different emotions flooded my body, fighting with the bliss that was still coursing through my veins. I didn't know whether to be sad, or angry, or happy that she was mine, one last time.

"I am. As long as you're with him, I am," I told her, staring at her with a finalizing gaze. We both got dressed in silence.

"You can stay over, if you want," I finally suggested. "I don't want to turn you away."

She didn't say anything for a really long time.

"Eli, if I stay, I won't be able to leave, and I can't. I have to leave." She made her way to the door, throwing me a longing glance.

"If you ever decide your feelings are more important than everyone else's, Clare, I'm here," I called after her. "I'm always here." She nodded solemnly, even though we both knew that would never happen, and that she wouldn't be back.

I walked over to her, giving her a hug and pressing one kiss to her forehead, letting my lips linger over her skin. "I love you," I told her.

"I love you too, Eli." She opened the door. "Goodbye." She paused for a moment, only a moment in the doorway, waiting for an answer that I couldn't give her. And then, just like that, she was gone.

_Oh my God, what have I done?_

_Now my darling put your clothes back on_

_Oh my God, what have I done?_

_Now my darling put your clothes back on_

"_Goodbye,"_ I whispered after her.

'_Cause you can't be caught red-handed_

_If you're not red-handed_

_But darling_

_I would never say those words to you_

_I was pulling out my heart so I could pin it on my sleeve_

_On display for you_

_Now see, I'm on display_

_Oh my God, what have I done?_

_Now my darling put your clothes back on_

_Oh my God, what have I done?_

_Now my darling put your clothes back on_

_Now my darling put your clothes back on_

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_ **Sorry if that was too sappy, or corny, or whatever, meh. Thanks for reading!**


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